harold endangered
by thepinkhatter
Summary: raj has a big problem and that problem is that he has a not so secret admirer, who is the last person raj wants to be with right now.. but he has no choice... since his admirer has a protection agency backing him up
1. Chapter 1

A piercing screech echoed through out leaky lake, it echoed on the pimple back mountains where the mystic Billy-goats bleated with surprise, it echoed in the female camp in acorn flats, in which shocked squirrel scouts looked around trying to locate the source of the blood curdling scream, customers within beef lumberjacks dropped their forks with astonishment wondering who the hell was making such an otherworldly shriek

"oh don't worry" rumbled the chainsaw wielding waiter "that's just good ol' camp kidney again!" satisfied with the answer the customers went back to their meals, and all was well again, all was well in leaky lake, all was well on pimple back mountains, all was well in acorn flats, but all was not well in camp kidney, to be precise all was not well in jelly cabin

"What..." shrieked one of its residents" do you think you are doing in my bed!?" he folded his arms waiting for an answer "…well?" his voice became dangerously low and threatening "I am waiting… Harold!" Harold looked up at his hero "nooothing" he answered truthfully, if nothing can be counted as lying in already occupied bed belonging to Raj, and trying to get a look up his scarlet night shirt. Raj kicked Harold out of his bed, it was not everyday that Raj woke up and found Harold's body sticking out from between his legs, the image was not pretty, breathing hard he got up and glared at his unperturbed cabin members "did any of you notice him come in!?" he asked them wildly

"Honestly Raj" answered Lazlo "I didn't notice Harold until you screamed"

"Background loser!" agreed clam, nodding his head

"I don't know why I find that so hard to believe" Raj said

"That's ok" said Harold "nobody _ever_ notices!"

"What do you mean you sneak into peoples bed every night!?" Raj asked with disbelief

"Maaybe" Harold replied avoiding eye contact, with that said the last final thread of rajs patience snapped grabbing the nearest object next to him

"that is it!!" he screamed hefting the object in his hands like a club" I am going to kill you!!" but before Raj pounced like a tiger that he wasn't Lazlo jumped in between them "Raj stop!" he demanded, Raj reluctantly obeyed ".. Now put clam down..." grumbling Raj put the poor albino pygmy rhino down "... You know you can't attack Harold!"

"And why is that?!" Raj asked furiously

"Because Raj..." Lazlo replied "... Deep, deep, deep, deeeeep down you really care about Harold!"

"Oh gosh!" exclaimed Harold blushing

"What!!" Raj exclaimed "I don't care about Harold!! I don't care if he jumps off a great big cliff naked with a rock tied to his head!"

"Raj Raj Raj Raj raaj" Lazlo sighed while shaking his head" if you truly didn't care about Harold, then why did you just imagine him naked?"

"Love!" agreed clam

"I did not imagine him naked!!" Raj stuttered heatedly, but no matter how he argued his friends and Harold looked at him with disbelief, growling Raj stepped forward to face Harold "do you know how much I love you Harold?" Raj said in a syrupy sweet tone

"Uh not really" Harold answered blushing, Raj drew back his fist "this much!" he growled and punched Harold in the stomach, now Raj wasn't strong at all he just didn't have the upper body strength, his kicks you had to watch out for, but his punches, no more stronger than a gust of wind, but its lucky that he was hitting a bean scout! Harold fell to the ground with a thud clutching his stomach "ooh ma stomach" Harold moaned, Raj reached out ready to brandish clam against Harold when Lazlo screamed with dismay "Raj stop! You can't hit Harold"

"Why? Because I love him?!" Raj asked madly

"Because Harold is a bean scout!" Lazlo answered, ignoring him Raj grabbed clam and took a step forward "and he's the only walrus in camp!" Raj started to hesitate "he's the only walrus named Harold in camp! Raj please" Lazlo pleaded, Raj frowned and dropped clam to the floor "what are you saying?!" Raj asked flailing his arms crazily "that he's an endangered scout or something!?" a grin spread on Lazlo's face

"Exactly!" he replied, and that was how the Endangered Harold Protection Agency started


	2. Chapter 2

About half an hour later Lazlo and clam were trying to recruit new members you couldn't take E.H.P.A seriously with just two members, yes just two members Raj had no desire to parade around in an E.H.P.A t-shirt trying to protect his sexual harasser nor had he any desire to find a mate for Harold who must also be called Harold to make lots little Harolds and ensure the increase of the Harold population. Currently the E.H.P.A were in the mess-hall to spread the word about Harold, sitting at a table covered with hand drawn E.H.P.A pamphlets were Lazlo and clam and on the table sat their mascot Harold himself

"What the hell is this?" asked a very grumpy yet curious passerby, Lazlo looked up at his pretty face, white blond hair as well as vivid-blue eyes and smiled

"This is our..." he started

"What the fuck is ehpeh?!" Edward interrupted

"Not ehpeh! Endangered Harold Protection Agency, E.H.P.A!" Lazlo replied happily

"Same difference" Edward snapped stormily, clam who was drawing more pamphlets chuckled

"So Edward you're joining?" Lazlo asked hopefully

"Why would I wanna protect that loser?!"

"Because Edward that loser is _endangered_!" Lazlo replied calmly

"And what do I get?"

"The satisfaction of having helped someone in need!"

"How the hell is he in need?! Is there someone trying to kill him?!!"

"Actually yes!"

"Wha!? Who?"

Lazlo pointed at Raj who was sitting in the farthest corner away from them and glaring angrily at Harold, the corner of Edward's lips twitched_ Raj one of the jellies wants to kill someone! No way!! _Ed thought with disbelief

"Raj one of you tree huggers wants to kill this loser! No way!" Edward voiced his thoughts

"Actually" Lazlo said lowering his voice "Raj punched poor Harold in the gut this morning"

_Score!!!!_ "Really? Why?"

"Harold sexual offender!" barked clam from his corner, at this Harold started to protest, but both Lazlo and clam pointedly ignored him

"So as you can see Raj is against our cause!" Lazlo finished

"So what do you do in this agency?" Edward asked clearly amused

"Other than protecting Harold, we see to it that he's happy!"

"And what makes him happy?"

"Raj"

"I'm in!"

"Oh that's wonderful!" Lazlo squealed, and jumped up to hug Edward "you can be my vice-president!" with that said the former vice-president looked up with a grunt and wondered why he wasn't sitting with Raj. Edward grinning sat next to clam not only does he get to watch a tortured bean scout but he also got a hug from Lazlo, clam looked sideways at Edward then muttered "presidents bitch" under his breath

"What did you call.." Edward started to shout, but Lazlo smacked a hand over Edwards mouth "look alive boys we got potential members!"

Two of the background losers that usually hung about with Harold were now facing the endangered species "I didn't know you were endangered!" exclaimed the not really well known stork

"Boo hoo endangered!" howled Sheldon (or milt they've called him both, anyway I have a theory to this two named hippo I believe he likes to change his name regularly to fool the campers)

"Don't cry milt, its okay"

"Actually its dark star now" dark star hiccupped

"So" Lazlo interrupted "are you going to join?"

"Do I get to look at you?" breathed the stork heavily eyes bulging (which is something, his eyes are already as big as saucers)

"Um eh sure" Lazlo giggled nervously

"Can I stroke your hair? Its looks so soft and shiny!" asked dark star excitedly

"No!" screamed Edward suddenly "only I can stroke his hair!"

Heads swiveled around to look at Edward, forks were dropped in surprise, Sampson murped, Raj glared ominously from his corner, slinkman was flipping through the bean scout manual wildly hoping that Edwards outburst was against the rules (not that slinkman is mean or anything, he just likes calling hoo-ha to see the look on scoutmaster lumpus's face) Mc muesli gasped, nursemaster Leslie forgot to stop wheeling his chair and crashed into the nearest bean scout, Ted the pig.

"Whose hair does he want to stroke?!" asked lumpus in a very audible whisper, and to make matters worse his brothers walked in from off screen they appeared so suddenly

"You wanna stroke a boys hair! For shame!" said the tall jock-ish one

"I am soo proud!" sobbed the gay one

"You are so gay!" exclaimed Mel

And the big fat one said nothing he never says anything, Edwards mouth opened and closed wordlessly

"Wanna join our agency?" asked Lazlo suddenly

"The gay agency?" laughed Mel, the gay ones eyes shone with hope

"No the Endangered Harold Protection Agency!" Lazlo answered taking Mel's question seriously

"I" said the big one surprising everyone "I want to join"

Inspired by Edwards brother campers lined up to join, "this is gonna be front page news!" exclaimed ping-pong, even slinkman lined up

So all the campers in kidney lined up to unite

Under the flag of E.H.P.A

For that was the cause that seemed right

Protesting and chanting

It was quite fun

With their mascot singing and dancing

Under the sun

Only one camper did not want to join

He hated their cause and resented them

And refused to gallivant bare of loin (what else rhymes with join?!)

He dwelled quite a distance away from others

On top of his cabin he huffed and he puffed

Secluded from his brothers

still acting like he owned the marshmallow mahal taj

Well he is kind of pompous

After all he is the elephant Raj

(Its not quite doctor Seuss but it works)

Author notes: well here chapter two, get ready for more freaaaaky things in chapter 3

Plus thanks for the review Aundul Xaldin


	3. Chapter 3

As previously rhymed in the poem Raj was sitting on top of his cabin looking down at the E.H.P.A, rage and fury coursed through his veins sending his blood to a boil, how could his _best_ friends, after seeing what Harold did this morning, start an agency to **protect** Harold! Why didn't they just leave Raj on Harold's bed naked with a giant red bow on his head! That would be less trouble, basking under the warm sun Raj slowly let go of his anger, his resentment and drifted of into a dreamless slumber, where all he could do was float in the darkness that was surprisingly warm, then it was just too warm, disgustingly so. Raj's eyes flickered open and narrowed as hot breath hit his cheek

"Harold?" Raj asked voice cracking with unsuppressed anger " why are you embracing me!?"

"Because he was lonely," answered a familiar voice, Raj looked up and spotted the president of the Endangered Harold Protection Agency.

""I cant believe this!" Raj growled, but Harold kept nodding his head confirming that Lazlo was right, he was truly lonely, oh so lonely.

"no, you are not lonely!" Raj shouted pushing Harold of off him "you are surrounded by the E.H.P.A"

" I just want to be loved" sobbed Harold

"hey! Hey! Hey you can't upset Harold" interjected Edward "he's an endangered species"

"yeah! Its against the law to upset him" Sampson said in a know it all voice.

"you are so rude to him, Raj" ping pong piped up from his corner.

"why don't you love him" sobbed Dave.

"he deserves to be loved" milt cried.

"yeah love him! Love him!!" chanted the E.H.P.A

"now give me a hug!" demanded Harold opening his arms wide.

"I wont!" Raj screamed

"hug him! Hug him!" chanted the E.H.P.A angrily

"ungh" Raj sighed angrily, he wanted to kick Harold in the face but what could he do with the whole camp backing him up, reluctantly he wrapped his arms around Harold

"awww" sighed the E.H.P.A

"Harold do you think you forcing me to hug you is gonna make me love you?" raj asked Harold heatedly still embracing him

"maybe!" Harold barked back.

"no it doesn't" raj shot back letting go of Harold and standing up "and I never will because, unlike you, I am straight!" silence met this remark, most eyes were filled with either shock or disbelief.

"you're lying!" Sampson called after a while

"is it sooo unbelievable that I might be straight!?" raj shouted

"well most bean scouts are y'know" coughed dark star.

"fairies" the bear guy butted in.

"total fruits" ping-pong nodded.

" as curled as the scoutmaster back hair" slinkman added for dramatic affect

"clam is straight! And so are the dungs! And dave you are too!" raj started naming them, why was it wrong to be straight when there were a handful of straight people surrounding him

"yes but I proved it" dave countered Raj

"exhausting test!" clam coughed

"yeah it almost makes you wanna be gay" chip whined.

" I looked into the light.." skip said in a low whisper

"so fine, where can I do this test?" raj asked slinkman

"only when a red moon appears in the sky!" slinkman said in a mystical tone, waving his eye stalks eerily.

"red moon!? when the heck is there a red moon!?" raj asked angrily

"nobody knows" slinkman replied "that's what makes the test so hard"

"so there is no way to prove my straightness?!" raj screamed

"not at the moment no" slinkman replied

"and even if you are straight" lazlo interrupted "it's not like you're the one who's endangered!"

"yeah!" grinned Edward "there's no getting rid of us"

"we're here fooooreeeeevveeeer" clam implied

"heh heh!" Harold laughed eerily "that means we're together forever!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" raj dropped to his knees and screamed pulling at his pinkish peach hair "WHAT HORRIBLE OTHERWORLDLY FORCE IS PUNISHING MEEEE SOOOO?!!!"

"that would be the author" lazlo giggled

Authors notes: yes it is I who is forcing raj into this horrible situation bwahahahahaha, I love raj so much he's soooo screamy


End file.
